So the other day I was thinking about some of my past relationships and trying to figure out why some of them lasted and why some of them NOSE DIVED! I ended up becoming of the opinion that the success of my relationships were somewhat dependant on whether or not the relationship involved Titles!

Now when I talk about the “Title” I am referring to that status we get from being officially crowned the “Girlfriend,” Boyfriend,” “Wifey” or even “Fcuk Buddy” or “Side Chick.” Now I’m not too sure why someone would officially want to be known as the “side chick” but I have heard a few girls refer to themselves as such, and they appeared to be happy with their title so I’m not going to knock it.

You see my question is: Does putting a “Title” on a relationship tend to improve a relationship and satisfy the parties involved, or does it tend to be damaging?

I believe that in some circumstances a “Title” can improve the quality of a relationship. It gives both parties a clear sense of their role, for example if I’m your “Girlfriend” there is somewhat an obligation to be there for you through emotional hardship, financial instability and to cater to your physical needs. Being the “Boyfriend” implies that you will protect, look after and spoil your girl like the princess she is….. Am I bugging or does that sound about right?

The point is that having a “Title” tends to draw the boundaries of the relationship more clearly. If you asked me to be your “Wifey” and I fluttered my eyelashes, got butterflies and said “Yes” with the upmost satisfaction, one can assume that NEITHER party is entitled to “see other people.” The relationship has become EXCLUSIVE! This being fine and dandy there is obviously a downside to putting a “Title” on it….

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Now after reading some of mi amours (my readers) comments on my recent posts I began to think a little more about SEX BUDDIES and whether they can actually be a way to balance out a woman/mans need for SEX when he or she can NOT find a suitable partner…

Before we go any further let me first DEFINE the term SEX BUDDY/FUCK BUDDY:

“A sex buddy is someone that you have SEX withwhen your horniness is kicking your ass and you need a release. A fuck buddy is for ONE PURPOSE and ONE purpose only….SEX! The relationship you have with sex buddy is as simple as this:    you meet up…you fuck …..you go home!

Fuck buddy relationships do NOT involve EMOTIONS…there is no dating or telling anyone how you could spend the rest of your life with them…..Its just SEX! I suppose some conversation may be nice and maybe some food is required for stamina purposes or recuperation purposes but a SEX BUDDY is not someone you have FEELINGS for!!”

Just needed to clear that up ….as I too often hear people talking about their side-piece or fuck buddy and how “sweet” or “charming” they are…… NOTE: if you think he/she is sweet and or charming…. or you feel like you really like them….. your Sex Buddy relationship just crossed the thin line between sex and emotions and you need to re-evaluate the relationship cos THAT SHIT can go horribly wrong!!

Anywho…..The dilemma at hand is this: You are single and can NOT find anyone that you really wand to be in a proper relationship with……………you can’t find anyone worth wasting your emotions on and falling in love with …..BUT you are a warm blooded mammal (or mama ) and you need to fuck! (Yes that may be a little much but I keep it real!) SOOO……. the question is: IS IT ENOUGH for you to continue living the single life and simply have a SEX BUDDY that comes round on a Sunday – Wednesday night to make you feel good ….but leaves your ass alone Thurs – Sat when your partying and trying to find your ACTUAL partner?? (As I said I keep it real Sun – Wed nights are usually the only time singles really need any company unless your having a lazy day and don’t want to come out of your house one cold weekend!)

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So here I am at 2 in the morning totally aware of the fact that this whole celibacy thing is starting to get on my last nerve……now I have to admit I’ve been holding out for a long damn time and every-so-often I will meet a guy and wonder why I’m still holding out OR I will meet a guy and he will ask me why I’m holding out!…. (Ladies you know them ones right, where all he wants to do is ask you 101 questions about why you WON’T have sex wit him!) Well I have come to the conclusion that there are a few Problems with Sex….

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Wrote this the other night ….and was NOT going to publish it, for fear that y’all may think I’m crazy but I now realize maybe I’m not the only one going through this so if you can relate let’s try to help each other

How did I get here? Seriously How did I end up here, just a year ago I was graduating from University ecstatic that I got  2:1 from one of the best Universities in the world, a few months prior to that I was totally in love, planning my wedding and what my house would look like, saying to myself I wanta  boy for him to play football with and a little girl that looks just like me to take to gymnastics and singing classes. A few months before that I was in my own apartment with my best friend, entertaining other friends throwing parties, having nights on the town, driving around, able to go wherever I wanted without a care in the world….so how did I get here?

How did I lose all of that, why did I move to a foreign country, thousands of miles away and put an infinite stretch of water between myself and the only people I love. I can’t make a phone call to my mother because I have no phone and in America if you have a “new” social security number you can’t get a phone contract without a $300 down payment!

Here I am alone in a room, with no friends I can call on, no family to make me laugh, not even a T.V. to take my mind of my misery…..I ask you how did I get here?

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Ok, so for some strange reason in recent years I have constantly run into the problem of having or developing a friendship with a guy that somehow becomes unravelled by the prospect or proposition of sex! It’s starting to bug me that at a certain age, in an era where sex is no longer a taboo, it is difficult to maintain a platonic relationship with a person from the opposite sex….

Let me just give you one of my many examples. There was a guy…..we’ll call him Jody, just because I watched Baby Boy the other day and I can’t think of any other name…anyways….we met in random place at a random time, oh, so many years ago…. at first there was an attraction, but any sexual advancements were stopped in their tracks due to the fact that Jodie had a girlfriend, thus I put my feelings aside and we maintained a very close friendship for a number of years….to the point where I had distanced myself emotionally, so that I was no longer attracted to him…..so we’re good right?? WRONG….

Jody and his girlfriend ended up breaking up, and so what happens next….Jodie decides he likes me, he wants to be more than friends …….well that’s all well and good I suppose…apart from the fact that I didn’t like him like that anymore AND I DO NOT play the role of rebound chick…EVER! Thus I knocked back all of his advances….only to find that he could NOT put his feelings aside…..in fact, he found it so difficult to deal with the fact that I didn’t want to start a relationship with him that he more or less just stopped talking to me!

NOW….. is it me…or is that FUCKED UP! Why is it that when a girl just wants to be friends a guy gets all upset and emotional about it and can’t just take it on the chin, put his need to BONE to one side and…… just be a good friend?! Why is it that…. when the shoe is on the other foot….. a girl gets labelled ‘crazy’ and ‘over-emotional’ when she can’t just let go of her deeper feelings for a guy? But when it’s the guy that can’t deal with the ‘friend’ label it’s OK for him to just throw a strop and act out?!

….This offends me, although I’m over it I still lost a good friends and the fact that it keeps reoccurring has forced me to write this blog just because I really can NOT understand it and I would like people to STOP acting up!

You may be slightly confused as to why the hell I give a damn….so let me explain…I am a person that feels like friends are a very important part of maintaining a healthy balance in life, I feel like you need different friends for different things, and certain people are so important to you that losing that friendship can have a significant impact on you, almost like breaking up with someone or losing an animal (not that I’m a pet person but you get my point…) Losing a friend has an impact on you and having a FRIENDSHIP RUINED by sex or the proposition of sex or a sexual relationship….. has the same detrimental effect….. (the fact it all boils down to sex and not feelings, is because a relationship is only a relationship, if the two people are, or will be, having sex…otherwise in my books it’s a friendship)

Now this may seem like a bit of a random rant but it is my belief that when friends fuck…it ruins the friendship….and 9 times out of 10 the tiny sexual attraction will fade out and all that will be left is an awkward empty gap, where a friendship used to be…..so I ASK YA….why o why do people (girls and guys) always try to RUIN a friendship because they want a quickie??! There was actually a study by the website Friends Reunited (a matchmaking site) that 1/3 FRIENDSHIPS ENDED because SEX entered the EQUATION!

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Ok I’m officially OVER this whole fucking thing! Is there really NOTHING that will go right for me in this life….. honestly do I have to wait until my next life before I get some sort of break!

So a whole year of working to sort my shit out, I get my site then…. ma laptop breaks the hell down and I can’t even maintain the one thing that was keeping me sane! Then I start to get a promotion, start to move up (it was never much … but it was something) Lord knows I been busting my ass working 60 hours a week…. then what happens??? POW! I have to leave the place I stay at….. NOT that I amke enough to do that but HWAT THE FUCK EVER!!!

Have you ever just wondered how shit can get worse one second…. then the next God has a jolly old laugh at your expense and shows you EXACTLY how it could get worse?? NO?? Well it happened to me! I have nothing positive to say right now I’m just upset, pissed off and 100% demotivated. i don’t give a fuck if you call it quitting but you live my life for the past year and tell me how the fuck you woud feel!!! I’m so glad the effin laptop decided to turn its ass on right now cos I’m sooo mad I can’t sleep I feel like I’m going to throw up and I really just want to get on a plane to Japan and disappear!!!

Anyways folks for the record …. success stories are officially a load of bullshit/…… AND BTW I’m very sick of watching TV and hearing about all these celebs with all thier money COMPLAINING about their fake ass problems….. your full of shit and you need to get over yourself…. with all that “o THE BLOGGERS ARE HATING ON ME” BULLSHIT…….WTF are you complaining about in your 5 million dollar yard and your brand new EVERYTHING around you…. knowing how FINE you will be in the morning!!!

Anyway Thats my vent…. and this is my blog…. please if anyone feels any shittier than I do right now let me know please…… ps I dn’t wana hear no bullshit about  negativity and that….. I have a God given right to be negative and miserable so piss off!!!

ARRRRGH!!!!! at least that last bit made me laugh! LATA!!!!

i feel midly better….. until tomorrow someone gives me some more fucked up news…… I’m waiting…., just waiting for it!!

I just came across this YouTube Video (on a friend’s facebook page)and it kind of hit home to me! Check out what she had to say, as contrary to the title she is saying a lot more than just complaining that  ’ALL MEN ARE DOGS’ , in fact….brothers…..this gurl has got your back!

If you read my blog regularly you will see that I recently did a list of my Top Ten Turn Off’s…..but after listening to what she had to say I felt slightly embarrassed……I’m definitely guilty of what Shanel (the lady speaking) is talking about……

I’m like “he should have this and that and the third”….but when it comes down to it….I don’t work out(used to but got bored of it…though I must add I’m not out-of-shape….just could be a lil more toned ;D) I don’t have the career of my dreams yet (I’m trying but even I haven’t made it yet) and I’m not BALLIN’ outta control…..so it is a little hypocritical and silly of me to think that a man who DOES everything I DO NOT do would want me!

Now don’t get me wrong I do NOT think that it is ever appropriate for ANYONE to settle for a dead beat….I mean if you have ambition and it’s just a matter of time before you get that fab career and that house you’ve always wanted…..then just because you do NOT have it right NOW……doesn’t mean you deserve a partner with no goals, or a man with NO determination and NO potential to fulfill his goals!

I think my main lesson from this video is that ALL MEN ARE NOT DOGS! It’s just that you can’t demand everything when you yourself have nothing!

One response is to give the guy’s that are trying…but not quite there yet….the benefit of the doubt ….give a brother a chance…..maybe he’ll surprise you and turn out to be everything you NEEDED……rather than what you THINK you wanted!

But on the other hand…..I’ma still warn you that there is a line……a point at which you have to say enough is enough…..when things just NEVER going better……so you have to cut your losses and move on…..This was my personal experience…..

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As a young woman in today’s society I feel like there is a thin line between being sexually liberated and being promiscuous….A line that is often hard to identify and is defined in different terms depending on your cultural background, life experience and age….obviously religion also plays a role…and let’s not forget about society’s good old stereotypes….

So….. seen as there are soo many factors that make the difference between a woman or man that is SEXUALLY LIBERATED…and a woman (or man, though this kind of labelling is much less frequent) that is promiscuous what is the best view given today’s climate and norms (normal behaviour).

Personally, I feel like men and women are equal… and I reject all double standardsthat would have applied… say 20 years ago. In my opinion, a lot of people, especially men, have NOT adapted their mind set. I still hear some guys calling girls hoe’s because they had a one night stand….seriously GET OVER IT….it’s her perogative…if she wanted some good good & was responsible, what’s the problem….WOMEN have needs and SEXUAL DESIRES TOO you know!

Why is it that guys can sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want….SCREAM IT from the rooftops and no one bats an eyelid….whereas if girl decides that she wants to have fun with a few guys at a time, you know sample all the flavours….. chocolate on Monday, caramel on Thursday and some strawberry for the weekend,….she is STILL considered a hoe! Why are women being negatively labelled for demanding and excercising their equality in environments other than the workplace?!

Further more, I don’t understand why guys still ask that question when you first start seeing someone: “How many people have you slept with?” Because 9 times out of 10 you actually don’t want to know the real answer! Mainly because most guys still think that women should have VERY few sexual partners………..I’m not sure where the cut off point is exactly…but I’m sure that if a 21 year old girl says more than 10…… a guy’s opinion of her will totally change….EVEN THOUGH most guys that age have slept with DOUBLE if not triple that number of girls! You see it’s this double standard, “do as I say, not as I do,” male egoism that rides my last nerve!

In my opinion, there’s a movement going on rite now…..young women are fed up of being stuck in relationships that do not benefit them…..(why should we commit when men aren’t doing the same?!) they realise that the whole idea of women becoming emotionally attached to men when they ave sex….is TOTAL BULLS**T and ladies are starting to conduct themselves just like men do. You see we have begun to realize that all those restraints they put on us are unnecessary and are SIMPLY A WAY TO CONTROL WOMEN! (Yea, maybe I sound like a radical right now but take it in and think about it!) Look at our new generation of women, like Nicki Minaj and Jada Pinkett-smith, who talk about sex openly and are not afraid to express their sexuality…….

To me it makes sense…why should I be limited in expressing myself sexually?…..while guys fuck around and have all the fun they like! Errr Nah! If I’m single and I used protection…what the F is the problem?…NO I’m not a hoe or a slut or whatever, I’m just sexually liberated! Do you know why guys don’t want women to have this opinion?….because then, most of them are going to have to SERIOUSLY step up their game….cos REALLY …too many of you are JUST NOT MAKING THE CUT!! You talk that maaaad talk and yea…u got the swag but that is where it ends!…..You know how many of ma girls have told me HOW DISAPPOINTING and UNDERWHELMING sex with some guys is!…countless…..(can I get a witness?!!) And you wonder why our numbers(of sexual partners) keeps going up?! Oh perlease……

Anyways…that’s what one side of my brain is constantly saying…but the other side still sets some BOUNDARIES ….Whilst I hate the word Hoe or Slut….(when used just to be spiteful or because she got over you and found some better d*ck)  I still think that a woman can be promiscuous, instead of sexually liberated!….

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In light of this whole Lil Wayne, Nivea, Lauren London baby drama this week I started thinking about the real issue at hand, that affects 100,000’s of girls and young women all around the world. That issue is having a baby! Yea, they are cute ^^ BUT LISTEN UP!

There are a number of misconceptions and things that, I feel, many young women are simply NOT TOLD. This leads to a countless number of women, young and old, having children for all the wrong reasons. I have to clear this up and shout this information from the ROOF TOPS until you girls GET THE MESSAGE! So….. what is it that they don’t tell you?

Firstly, I feel like NOT ENOUGH women TRULY UNDERSTAND that having a child for a man IS NOT GOING TO MAKE HIM LOVE YOU! Too many girls feel that if they have a guy’s child they will have a stronger connection, through the child, and that some way, somehow, they will be able to come together as a couple and make things work. NO! You are WRONG!!! and that is the end of it!

Here’s the thing….if a man didn’t love you and didn’t want to be with you BEFORE you had the baby…..he is NOT going to love you AFTER your have the baby.YOU KNOW WHY? Because he will forever RESENT you, if you tried to TRAP HIM or FORCED HIM to take on responsibilities he was NOT READY FOR! Men tell me if I’m lying…..(I know some guys have good hearts and will make it work but now-a-days….they are FEW and FAR BETWEEN)

Another thing that everyone plays down is JUST HOW MUCH WORK goes in to raising a child! Think about it, that child is going to be with you EVERYDAY, 24/7, morning, noon and night, needing attention, love and devotion! How will you provide all of that if you don’t have financial security, if you DON’T have a stable and SAFE living environment? and if you DON’T HAVE a NETWORK of support from family and friends?…..I’ll tell you what happens….YOU DON’T PROVIDE WHAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS! And if you think that’s it’s OK to raise a child in sub-standard living conditions, and to NEGLECT your child when it all gets TOO MUCH, just because you didn’t really think it through….then you are SELFISH AND IRRESPONSIBLE!

Now don’t get me wrong sometimes, you just get into a bad situation and have NO ONE there to TELL you this stuff, so if you had a baby and YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN, my heart goes out to you and I hope that you learn to cope. BUT this is WHY I am trying to educate other girls just like you, who’s fate is yet to be decided. I want you to leave a comment and tell them if I’m lying….

OK, lets move on to those girls who have unprotected sex, then justify their pregnancy on the grounds that they DO NOT BELIEVE IN ABORTION. First I will say that for some people this is true, and that is fine BUT…..what I see all the time is women using religion as a cover up for having a child for  all the wrong reasons. Let me tell you WHY I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU………You are NOT acting on any religious values when you go out and get drunk, or go party until sun up……….. you are not acting on moral beliefs when you smoke and harm your body in other ways, you are NOT RELIGIOUS when you don’t even go to church or pray on a good day and YOU WERE NOT RELIGIOUS WHEN YOU WERE FUCKING THAT GUY WITH NO CONDOM, that you are NOT MARRIED TO…..nor will you be acting on religious norms when you have a child out of wedlock!

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So answer this for me please…..Why is only Tuesday and I’m already having a bad week! I mean I’m about to go do something crazy dumb and self destructive if I don’t catch a break!!! So after twittering like crazy this morning about how terrible my life is I decided to have a long ass convo with my mother, which has saved me a terrible migraine and at a minimum, 14 hours of crying, shouting and being depressed!

I just sat back and said to myself what is it about my conversations with my mother that always make me feel better? And I realized it’s the fact that she genuinely believes, and forces me to believe, that everything is happening for a reason. There is a divine cosmic power that is in operation, and in addition to this……….. she reminded me that PATIENCE is the key to success.

I think a good way to express it is that: There is a time for everything and everything has it’s time!

So I sit here and I begin to look at this past year and how I have lost everything in London, from my flat to my car to my boyfriend and I can finally say that I have ended up in new York because I did not want to face myself!Losing everything was something that happened to ME BECAUSE OF MY ACTIONS! Yea, I had some shit friends that didn’t make my life any easier, but at the end of the day WE CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS!! and I have learnt that you have to choose wisely!

What I want to share with MI amours (my readers) is that the most important relationship we have, is our relationship with ourselves! We have to be able not only to love and respect ourselves, but also to be honest with ourselves. I’ll give you an example, the whole time I have been here I have told myself that it was because there are much better opportunities in America for someone like me…….which is true to a degree BUT the real reason I am fighting to stay here so much is because I am totally petrified of having t go back to England and having to walk past that flat that used to be mine, or see my old car on the road or have to face that drama with friends and relatives that I would much rather ignore!

Here is the thing: I have to start to build a closer relationship with myself. ANYONE who has a tendency to act in a self destructive way has to do this too! When I say self destructive…I’m not talking about taking overdoses or trying to slit your wrists, because many of us are self destructive in much more subtle ways. For example, going out and getting hella drunk because you had a bad day, or smoking weed to forget your problems, or partying 24/7 because you want to get out of the house because you have family issues!

All of these things are self destructive because you are harming your body by taking in intoxicants and you are DAMAGING YOUR SOUL because you are not dealing with your issues, thus they will re-appear later, and if you do not learn another way to handle your bad days….one day it’s just going to get OUT OF CONTROL! You’ll be an alcoholic or end up homeless, or just end up with nothing to show for 30 years of life.

So how can we repair out relationship with ourselves?

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