The Gift Of Life like the Sun Rise brings light,

but is only here for a time, for Sun Set is just a heartbeat away. 

~ Cherie Amour

As I sit in my room this pre-Easter Saturday evening I have not been able to stop thinking about my Family. You see I quite dislike all holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving (even though it’s not an English holiday), Memorial Day and so on and so forth ……. because it just reminds me how far away I am from my Family and Friends.

To me Easter has always been a time of the year when my Family gets together and celebrates. When I was younger we would all go to my Grandmother’s house, my Aunts would give us Easter Eggs and then amongst ourselves, the kids would trade with the vigour of a Stock Broker in the midst of a recession. Finally, when all were content with our Cadbury’s Caramel or Bailey’s Easter Egg, we would enjoy each other’s company…….. and I just recall feeling so happy at those times that I can only put it down to feeling loved and part of a true Family.

As I have grown up I have realized that what I had as a child…….. the Christmas parties, huge birthday bashes with 1000’s of cousins coming together and ma-hu-sive dinners…….where everyone gets 3/4 plates to take home, are not the standard for everyone. Being over in NYC with no family to have my Sunday dinner with or to wake me up on my birthday to give me my gifts (no matter how small) has made me greatly appreciate and long for the comfort of my home. As I say this I realize the true differentiation between living in a house and having a HOME.

Anyhu my point is that to me Easter is really about spending time with your Family. I just want people who have a Family to recognize that God gives the GIFT OF LIFE, and God can take away that Gift at any time. Easter is about the rising of Jesus Christ, which is important to Christians on its own, ……. but there is a deeper lesson that I feel everyone can yield from this holiday that is unrelated to any religion….

The lesson is that people are here but for a moment, people live only for a time and when they are gone we WILL miss them dearly. When you loose someone you love your soul trembles,…… something deep inside of you aches and you come to realise what exactly that person meant for you. Death is an awful thing but it is also something that can be very powerful in changing you; ……. forcing you to seize each day and appreciate the people you still have in your life….

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Now “Pick, Pick, Pick ….’Till You Pick Rubbish”, is one of my Mother’s FAVOURITE sayings! (I use a capital “M” because she’s my everything and I never much cared for grammar!)J Anyhu…. I must admit that I used to hear it but never really LISTENED to exactly what she was saying.

The meaning of the phrase is basically this…. When searching for a relationship, in fact….. when searching for anything in life, people sometimes have a tendency to be WAAAAAY too fussy. We want everything to be perfect, everything to match our vision…….. down to the tiniest detail….. This, Mi Amours, causes us to become PICKY!!

The obviously rationale behind our endeavor for perfection is that we feel that we deserve the VERY BEST! Now do NOT get me wrong, the point of this blog is not to say that we should accept anything that comes our way ….. The point is to make it clear that sometimes in our frantic desperation to find THAT PERFECT man or that PERFECT job ……. we can do ONE of TWO things…..

1)       Find EVERYTHING we want….. Whilst simultaneously managing to FIND NOTHING we NEED….

or

2)      Become so exhausted and disappointed in NEVER finding MR. Right (or even say….our dream job) …that we ABANDON our fruitless search and TAKE the FIRST OPTION that becomes available and…… is, well….. PRESENTABLE, to say the least. *shrug*

This Mi Amours……. is the definition of the Jamaican saying “Pick, Pick, Pick….. ‘Till You Pick Rubbish.”  In all of your desperation to seek and find perfection…… you have, in fact, managed to PICK up TRASH! (It’s more than emotional! O_o) 

My personal experience went a little something like this…. Continue Reading »

So the other day I was thinking about some of my past relationships and trying to figure out why some of them lasted and why some of them NOSE DIVED! I ended up becoming of the opinion that the success of my relationships were somewhat dependant on whether or not the relationship involved Titles!

Now when I talk about the “Title” I am referring to that status we get from being officially crowned the “Girlfriend,” Boyfriend,” “Wifey” or even “Fcuk Buddy” or “Side Chick.” Now I’m not too sure why someone would officially want to be known as the “side chick” but I have heard a few girls refer to themselves as such, and they appeared to be happy with their title so I’m not going to knock it.

You see my question is: Does putting a “Title” on a relationship tend to improve a relationship and satisfy the parties involved, or does it tend to be damaging?

I believe that in some circumstances a “Title” can improve the quality of a relationship. It gives both parties a clear sense of their role, for example if I’m your “Girlfriend” there is somewhat an obligation to be there for you through emotional hardship, financial instability and to cater to your physical needs. Being the “Boyfriend” implies that you will protect, look after and spoil your girl like the princess she is….. Am I bugging or does that sound about right?

The point is that having a “Title” tends to draw the boundaries of the relationship more clearly. If you asked me to be your “Wifey” and I fluttered my eyelashes, got butterflies and said “Yes” with the upmost satisfaction, one can assume that NEITHER party is entitled to “see other people.” The relationship has become EXCLUSIVE! This being fine and dandy there is obviously a downside to putting a “Title” on it….

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Now after reading some of mi amours (my readers) comments on my recent posts I began to think a little more about SEX BUDDIES and whether they can actually be a way to balance out a woman/mans need for SEX when he or she can NOT find a suitable partner…

Before we go any further let me first DEFINE the term SEX BUDDY/FUCK BUDDY:

“A sex buddy is someone that you have SEX withwhen your horniness is kicking your ass and you need a release. A fuck buddy is for ONE PURPOSE and ONE purpose only….SEX! The relationship you have with sex buddy is as simple as this:    you meet up…you fuck …..you go home!

Fuck buddy relationships do NOT involve EMOTIONS…there is no dating or telling anyone how you could spend the rest of your life with them…..Its just SEX! I suppose some conversation may be nice and maybe some food is required for stamina purposes or recuperation purposes but a SEX BUDDY is not someone you have FEELINGS for!!”

Just needed to clear that up ….as I too often hear people talking about their side-piece or fuck buddy and how “sweet” or “charming” they are…… NOTE: if you think he/she is sweet and or charming…. or you feel like you really like them….. your Sex Buddy relationship just crossed the thin line between sex and emotions and you need to re-evaluate the relationship cos THAT SHIT can go horribly wrong!!

Anywho…..The dilemma at hand is this: You are single and can NOT find anyone that you really wand to be in a proper relationship with……………you can’t find anyone worth wasting your emotions on and falling in love with …..BUT you are a warm blooded mammal (or mama ) and you need to fuck! (Yes that may be a little much but I keep it real!) SOOO……. the question is: IS IT ENOUGH for you to continue living the single life and simply have a SEX BUDDY that comes round on a Sunday – Wednesday night to make you feel good ….but leaves your ass alone Thurs – Sat when your partying and trying to find your ACTUAL partner?? (As I said I keep it real Sun – Wed nights are usually the only time singles really need any company unless your having a lazy day and don’t want to come out of your house one cold weekend!)

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So here I am at 2 in the morning totally aware of the fact that this whole celibacy thing is starting to get on my last nerve……now I have to admit I’ve been holding out for a long damn time and every-so-often I will meet a guy and wonder why I’m still holding out OR I will meet a guy and he will ask me why I’m holding out!…. (Ladies you know them ones right, where all he wants to do is ask you 101 questions about why you WON’T have sex wit him!) Well I have come to the conclusion that there are a few Problems with Sex….

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Wrote this the other night ….and was NOT going to publish it, for fear that y’all may think I’m crazy but I now realize maybe I’m not the only one going through this so if you can relate let’s try to help each other

How did I get here? Seriously How did I end up here, just a year ago I was graduating from University ecstatic that I got  2:1 from one of the best Universities in the world, a few months prior to that I was totally in love, planning my wedding and what my house would look like, saying to myself I wanta  boy for him to play football with and a little girl that looks just like me to take to gymnastics and singing classes. A few months before that I was in my own apartment with my best friend, entertaining other friends throwing parties, having nights on the town, driving around, able to go wherever I wanted without a care in the world….so how did I get here?

How did I lose all of that, why did I move to a foreign country, thousands of miles away and put an infinite stretch of water between myself and the only people I love. I can’t make a phone call to my mother because I have no phone and in America if you have a “new” social security number you can’t get a phone contract without a $300 down payment!

Here I am alone in a room, with no friends I can call on, no family to make me laugh, not even a T.V. to take my mind of my misery…..I ask you how did I get here?

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Now going to an all White girls school until I was 18, meant that I didn’t date at ALL up until that point! Thus after 18, when I first started dating I began by just going out with any guy I thought was attractive and made me laugh….the criteria was pretty low and I was an optimist…I’d perpetually give anyone a chance if they appeared to have a good heart and could hold a conversation……FAST FORWARD……

Today I find myself in what I am afraid may be an extremely premature MID-LIFE CRISIS!!! Unfortunately after dating a few bums and a few assholes I have come to realise that STANDARDS HAVE to be set….. so I did……I’m a pretty girl and my bod (body), though not what it used to be, isn’t awful…so I figure I deserve someone who looks good, smells fresh and has all his OWN teeth! Rite??……. I’m also not a retard…contrary to what some may believe ;P, I have a good education and ……..though this whole move to New York isn’t going exactly to plan I have a full time job and a few pennies to rub together, not to mention my own hole in the wall where I sleep and eat….

Thus I have a some other pre-requistes….any one I choose to date must also possess those attributes:

1- A good education

2- A place of their own (over the age of 25 living with your mother is just NOT good enough….I don’t give a rats behind if your “stacking” …..find a way to move out…I don’t need no1 telling me to “be quiet, my mum has work in the morning,” mid session… you zimme)

3- A full time JOB, preferably a career…

Anyhu…….unfortunately despite the fact that I’m in NY I still can NOT find anyone I deem to be worthy of dating ….Is it just me or are the nice looking guys undercover Gays,  and the most intelligent, socially inept, and the other in-between just not doing it, like there’s NO chemistry!!

I have come to find myself asking the question: Should I be Single or just Settle?…..

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Ok, so for some strange reason in recent years I have constantly run into the problem of having or developing a friendship with a guy that somehow becomes unravelled by the prospect or proposition of sex! It’s starting to bug me that at a certain age, in an era where sex is no longer a taboo, it is difficult to maintain a platonic relationship with a person from the opposite sex….

Let me just give you one of my many examples. There was a guy…..we’ll call him Jody, just because I watched Baby Boy the other day and I can’t think of any other name…anyways….we met in random place at a random time, oh, so many years ago…. at first there was an attraction, but any sexual advancements were stopped in their tracks due to the fact that Jodie had a girlfriend, thus I put my feelings aside and we maintained a very close friendship for a number of years….to the point where I had distanced myself emotionally, so that I was no longer attracted to him…..so we’re good right?? WRONG….

Jody and his girlfriend ended up breaking up, and so what happens next….Jodie decides he likes me, he wants to be more than friends …….well that’s all well and good I suppose…apart from the fact that I didn’t like him like that anymore AND I DO NOT play the role of rebound chick…EVER! Thus I knocked back all of his advances….only to find that he could NOT put his feelings aside…..in fact, he found it so difficult to deal with the fact that I didn’t want to start a relationship with him that he more or less just stopped talking to me!

NOW….. is it me…or is that FUCKED UP! Why is it that when a girl just wants to be friends a guy gets all upset and emotional about it and can’t just take it on the chin, put his need to BONE to one side and…… just be a good friend?! Why is it that…. when the shoe is on the other foot….. a girl gets labelled ‘crazy’ and ‘over-emotional’ when she can’t just let go of her deeper feelings for a guy? But when it’s the guy that can’t deal with the ‘friend’ label it’s OK for him to just throw a strop and act out?!

….This offends me, although I’m over it I still lost a good friends and the fact that it keeps reoccurring has forced me to write this blog just because I really can NOT understand it and I would like people to STOP acting up!

You may be slightly confused as to why the hell I give a damn….so let me explain…I am a person that feels like friends are a very important part of maintaining a healthy balance in life, I feel like you need different friends for different things, and certain people are so important to you that losing that friendship can have a significant impact on you, almost like breaking up with someone or losing an animal (not that I’m a pet person but you get my point…) Losing a friend has an impact on you and having a FRIENDSHIP RUINED by sex or the proposition of sex or a sexual relationship….. has the same detrimental effect….. (the fact it all boils down to sex and not feelings, is because a relationship is only a relationship, if the two people are, or will be, having sex…otherwise in my books it’s a friendship)

Now this may seem like a bit of a random rant but it is my belief that when friends fuck…it ruins the friendship….and 9 times out of 10 the tiny sexual attraction will fade out and all that will be left is an awkward empty gap, where a friendship used to be…..so I ASK YA….why o why do people (girls and guys) always try to RUIN a friendship because they want a quickie??! There was actually a study by the website Friends Reunited (a matchmaking site) that 1/3 FRIENDSHIPS ENDED because SEX entered the EQUATION!

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Hey mi amours!!! I am soooo sorry I have been out of action for a little while now … had some issues to sort out….I had to move (although it appears I have moved to the GHETTO!), visit the family and finally managed to get a new laptop so I can start blogging again, as the other one had totally given up on life, kind of like me after my 100th job rejection this time last year…but Oh well!

Anyhu I decided to take my ass out last night to Manison, newly named M2 Ultra Lounge, in Manhattan, NYC  and I actually had a pretty good night! Pre-party I popped in to Xilla’s Birthday Bash around 10.30 and got to meet the man of the hour, who was definitely having a good time! …..Also got to meet Kitty Bradshaw, also a fellow blogger … and a lovely girl …..Overall good music, nice atmosphere…so part 1 of my evening was going well. Then I decided to go to Mansion/M2 to finish off the evening….

Anyhu last night half of the cast of BET’s reality show, Harlem Heights were in the building, Briana, Brooke and Christian were there having a good little time and Brooke (Kanye’s Ex) and Christian are definitely still together, very happy and….are actually really nice people!! I say actually because in all honesty after watching parts of the show I got the impression that in person they would be arrogant and maybe a little fulll of themselves but HELL NO…. On our way out they stopped, introduced themselves and even posed for a quick flick (above)…. They really are very nice people and a cute lil couple (no homo)… BTW I’m loving Brooke’s hair cut…What do you think mi amours? Love ‘em or Loathe ‘em? ….

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Ok I’m officially OVER this whole fucking thing! Is there really NOTHING that will go right for me in this life….. honestly do I have to wait until my next life before I get some sort of break!

So a whole year of working to sort my shit out, I get my site then…. ma laptop breaks the hell down and I can’t even maintain the one thing that was keeping me sane! Then I start to get a promotion, start to move up (it was never much … but it was something) Lord knows I been busting my ass working 60 hours a week…. then what happens??? POW! I have to leave the place I stay at….. NOT that I amke enough to do that but HWAT THE FUCK EVER!!!

Have you ever just wondered how shit can get worse one second…. then the next God has a jolly old laugh at your expense and shows you EXACTLY how it could get worse?? NO?? Well it happened to me! I have nothing positive to say right now I’m just upset, pissed off and 100% demotivated. i don’t give a fuck if you call it quitting but you live my life for the past year and tell me how the fuck you woud feel!!! I’m so glad the effin laptop decided to turn its ass on right now cos I’m sooo mad I can’t sleep I feel like I’m going to throw up and I really just want to get on a plane to Japan and disappear!!!

Anyways folks for the record …. success stories are officially a load of bullshit/…… AND BTW I’m very sick of watching TV and hearing about all these celebs with all thier money COMPLAINING about their fake ass problems….. your full of shit and you need to get over yourself…. with all that “o THE BLOGGERS ARE HATING ON ME” BULLSHIT…….WTF are you complaining about in your 5 million dollar yard and your brand new EVERYTHING around you…. knowing how FINE you will be in the morning!!!

Anyway Thats my vent…. and this is my blog…. please if anyone feels any shittier than I do right now let me know please…… ps I dn’t wana hear no bullshit about  negativity and that….. I have a God given right to be negative and miserable so piss off!!!

ARRRRGH!!!!! at least that last bit made me laugh! LATA!!!!

i feel midly better….. until tomorrow someone gives me some more fucked up news…… I’m waiting…., just waiting for it!!