In light of this whole Lil Wayne, Nivea, Lauren London baby drama this week I started thinking about the real issue at hand, that affects 100,000’s of girls and young women all around the world. That issue is having a baby! Yea, they are cute ^^ BUT LISTEN UP!
There are a number of misconceptions and things that, I feel, many young women are simply NOT TOLD. This leads to a countless number of women, young and old, having children for all the wrong reasons. I have to clear this up and shout this information from the ROOF TOPS until you girls GET THE MESSAGE! So….. what is it that they don’t tell you?
Firstly, I feel like NOT ENOUGH women TRULY UNDERSTAND that having a child for a man IS NOT GOING TO MAKE HIM LOVE YOU! Too many girls feel that if they have a guy’s child they will have a stronger connection, through the child, and that some way, somehow, they will be able to come together as a couple and make things work. NO! You are WRONG!!! and that is the end of it!
Here’s the thing….if a man didn’t love you and didn’t want to be with you BEFORE you had the baby…..he is NOT going to love you AFTER your have the baby.YOU KNOW WHY? Because he will forever RESENT you, if you tried to TRAP HIM or FORCED HIM to take on responsibilities he was NOT READY FOR! Men tell me if I’m lying…..(I know some guys have good hearts and will make it work but now-a-days….they are FEW and FAR BETWEEN)
Another thing that everyone plays down is JUST HOW MUCH WORK goes in to raising a child! Think about it, that child is going to be with you EVERYDAY, 24/7, morning, noon and night, needing attention, love and devotion! How will you provide all of that if you don’t have financial security, if you DON’T have a stable and SAFE living environment? and if you DON’T HAVE a NETWORK of support from family and friends?…..I’ll tell you what happens….YOU DON’T PROVIDE WHAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS! And if you think that’s it’s OK to raise a child in sub-standard living conditions, and to NEGLECT your child when it all gets TOO MUCH, just because you didn’t really think it through….then you are SELFISH AND IRRESPONSIBLE!
Now don’t get me wrong sometimes, you just get into a bad situation and have NO ONE there to TELL you this stuff, so if you had a baby and YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN, my heart goes out to you and I hope that you learn to cope. BUT this is WHY I am trying to educate other girls just like you, who’s fate is yet to be decided. I want you to leave a comment and tell them if I’m lying….
OK, lets move on to those girls who have unprotected sex, then justify their pregnancy on the grounds that they DO NOT BELIEVE IN ABORTION. First I will say that for some people this is true, and that is fine BUT…..what I see all the time is women using religion as a cover up for having a child for all the wrong reasons. Let me tell you WHY I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU………You are NOT acting on any religious values when you go out and get drunk, or go party until sun up……….. you are not acting on moral beliefs when you smoke and harm your body in other ways, you are NOT RELIGIOUS when you don’t even go to church or pray on a good day and YOU WERE NOT RELIGIOUS WHEN YOU WERE FUCKING THAT GUY WITH NO CONDOM, that you are NOT MARRIED TO…..nor will you be acting on religious norms when you have a child out of wedlock!
So please SAVE ME the I do not belive in abortion business, espcially if you are trying to make out your some kind of religious lil angel! ……NO!! and you need to stop lying to YOURSELF and ADMIT the REAL REASON you are having a child! So that you can identify whether it is the right or wrong decision…before ti’s too late.
Next……You ladies out there need to understand that we are in the 21st century….that means a man is NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT KNOCKED UP! So we can dispel that falsity immediately!
In addition to this you need to understand that those friends, and even family members, that SAY they will be there……ARE NOT GOING TO BE THERE EVERYDAY to hold your hand. They have their own life to live and NO MATTER what they said and how sincere it sounded, THE CHILD IS YOUR BURDEN TO BEAR and you should NEVER HAVE A CHILD thinking that someone else is going to look after it.
Just a few days ago I spoke to a friend that told me….. that a big woman….. I’m talking over 35, had a child, thinking that her mother and sister would help her raise it….because her when her sister had a child at a young age, everyone helped! You know what happened….her family members had to move away and she was left ALONE! ………. The lesson: You CAN NOT HAVE A CHILD unless you know that you can look after it and provide for it ALONE….because MEN LEAVE, family members pass away, and friends MOVE ON!
The other thing that young women don’t think about as much as older women is that YOUR CHILD MAY NOT BE 100% HEALTHY….did you ever consider that your child may have cerebral palsy, or breathing problems, or learning difficulties? Better yet did you consider HOW YOU WOULD COPE with it?
Finally, I think that women need to think about the affect that having a child has on YOUR LIFE! The BOTTOM LINE……YOUR LIFE IS OVER…..as a mother, YOU MUST LIVE FOR YOUR CHILD! And I understand that some women are able to have a career and be fantastic mothers and have a social life…but seriously the chances of you being THAT woman, when you have no stability in your life, financially and otherwise….ARE very slim!
In addition do you know that about 10 -25% of women suffer post natal depression after having a child, because they feel disappointed, stressed or feel like a failure as a mother? One study in Brazil found that POST NATAL DEPRESSION IS MORE PREVALENT IN BLACK WOMEN and although the reason is related to low income, and I HATE that stereotype of Black people, I do believe that this condition is worse in women from ethnic backgrounds. I had a friend, who funnily enough was not Black, who at 16 had her first child and suffered depression for a whole year after she had the child. She had to take medication and I’m not sure she ever FULLY recovered. So, please just think EVERYTHING THORUGH before you decide to give birth…don’t limit your thoughts to baby names, and how cute he/she will look in mini Timberlands!
For you it will be a LONG HARD BATTLE in which your resilience and emotional strength will be tested beyond anything you have ever had to deal with! And I’m telling you that UNLESS YOU ARE FULLY PREPARED you SHOULD NOT BE HAVING A BABY!
WHY? Because you may think it’s OK to struggle, but if you could give MORE to your child, by just waiting a bit longer until you are stable and secure in your own life….why wouldn’t you just WAIT??? Don’t you want your child to have everything you didn’t have and more? Don’t you want your child to feel loved by BOTH PARENTS and NOT have to watch & hear you fighting…sometimes psychically, with your baby daddy? (or whatever you want to call him)
Anyways I just wanted to SPELL OUT some of the issues surrounding having a child that some women just DO NOT get to hear, in such a matter-of-fact, in-your-face kind of way. Please UNDERSTAND that when your family and friends say it is going to be OK…..they are just trying to stop you from worrying, but the first night you lay in bed listening to that child scream, worrying about the bills, and how you are going to get to the store(shop) to get groceries the next day, after your baby daddy just stormed out and you don’t know if he’s coming back….REALITY WILL HIT YOU and you will be describing it as anything BUT OK.
Anyways I want to know what you think? Am I just too harsh? Or am I telling the truth?
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I will tweet that article! It’s the truth!
I think before you get a child you should live your life! And you should just get a child when you are married and know that the man will take care of that child too and get up at night when it cries.
Thanks Denise…what is your twitter btw hun?
I think you were a bit abrasive. More specifically when you talked about not having an abortion because of religious beliefs. I come from a very large family. My grandmother had 14 kids. From those children came 56 grandchildren, about 35-40 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great- grandchild. Not everyone in our family was married when their children were born and yes some did have abortions but they went and had two more children afterwards which made it seem even more ridiculous to have one in the first place… For those that decided to keep their children because of the belief that it was murder I commend them. I don’t think it’s right to compare a night of drinking or even having unprotected sex to what some may see as murder. I definitely don’t think they are hypocrites because as we all KNOW NO ONE IS PERFECT. In a time where most women( primarily black) see abortion as a form of birth control. I think women or even young girls who step up to the plate and take responsibility for their actions should have more respect than they do. I hear people say nasty things about my best friend who had 4 kids at the young age of 23 ( who graduated college and is a registered nurse) because way too often they judge the book by it’s cover. I can definitely respect someone like her as oppose to someone who was pregnant 5 times and has had 5 abortions.
Mika, I agree that I may come across a little abrasive but it’s just because I feel that too many women have kids for the wrong reasons. ….I’m mainly talking about people who do it because they want to trap a man or think that it will make a guy stay with them….not so much to gurls who think abortion is murder….maybe I didn’t make that clear enough.
I agree with you, that if a woman keeps her child, even when circumstances are difficult, because she GENUINELY feels that abortion is MURDER….then that is her prerogative and I am forced to respect that decision, for it stems from a moral framework.
On the other hand I think that many gurls hide behind this reason when the REAL REASON they keep the child is to keep a guy or because they have other issues and think having a baby will solve those issues, OR give them a something to focus on, OR use as a permanent excuse for a lack of success in their lives. I feel like some girls find life HARD and so have a child so they don’t have to struggle to find a job or struggle with college/university …because sometimes the two are comparably difficult…especially right now. Some gurls in London esp have kids just to get a house (as you can get a council property basically for free, if your a single parent) and I am mainly trying to highlight that having a child for the wrong reasons is WRONG…because it can be detrimental to the child…seen as usually they didn’t think the whole thing through properly.
Anyways I appreciate your feedback and respect your opinion. Thanks for joining the discourse. xcx
I agree with the comment you made about some families in the UK. We have a system which so many people abuse its hard to see the good in it some times. So many girls here have babies because they dont like living with the mom or dad. and see it as a way to gain free housing and benefits. and so many young men also encourage their young girlfriends to get pregnant so they too can get free housing even if they have no real intention of staying with the girl for any long period of time or supporting the child. Also with the older generation there is a big stigma with abortion etc sometimes religious but not always. and I think we need to include all the women that cant make the decision themself and get pressured into having a child by their family, because their family thinks the should “step u to the plate,” and the women is left to manage alone she finds shes not ready or doesnt feel capable to be a mom.
My Twitter is @Denise2201! What’s yours?
Mine is: http://www.twitter.com/Cherie_Amour xcx
OMG YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT. I KNOW SOMEONE WHO BELEIVES THAT IF SHE HAS A CHILD THAT SOME HOW HER RELATIONSHIP WILL GET BETTER. ALOT OF WOMEN/GIRLS DO THAT AND THEN GET UPSET WHEN THEY ARE SINGLE PARENTS RAISING A CHILD. MY BEST ADVICE WOULD BE TO NOT PUSH OUT ANY BABIES FOR ANYONE FOR YOUR HUSBAND THAT WAY YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY FULLY COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER AND THAT MAKES IT LESS EASIER FOR HIM TO LEAVE AND ALSO FOR HIM TO DENY THE CHILD.
RIP TO MICHAEL JACKSON AND FARA FAUCETT GOD BLESS AND KEEP THERE FAMILIES.
WOMEN MAKE THESE MEN PUT ON A CONDOM AND GET SOME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS HENCE YOU WONT GET PREGNANT WHY BECOME A PARENT WHEN YOU ARE NOT READY. LIVE YA LIFE AND ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY MAKE SURE HE PUT A RING ON IT AND ACTUALLY WALK DOWN THE AISLE BEFORE YOU PUSH OUT HIS KIDS.
i fully agree with all of this woman have children for many of reasons and majority of them are selfish reasons big one trying to keep a man but in the end your left with the burden. You should never have a child to keep a man because no one can be kept people come together out of respect and love for one another and when you try to force that it backfires. I one thing that i will defend on a man point of view is that even if you make the mistake of sleeping with someone you don’t love pregnancy is out of a mans hand they can only give their opinion or wants but in the end it is the woman who makes the decision and so many woman misuse that decision for imaginary personal gain and in the end the child is always the one who losses. So girls, women respect yourselves, your bodies and the people you come encounter with its to many kids running around right now without stable homes from bad choices. holla
Agree 100%. Glad to hear someone tell it like it is – I am 23 and most women I know of (my age and older) had a kid either to trap a man or fulfill their own selfish desires (emotionally and/or financially). Makes me sick to my stomach for the kid(s) and for a lot of these fathers who are “sittin ducks” – Thinking they have a cool chick they can trust all the while they are being hunted for their sperm. I know because this is what happened to the man I am with. He was a fool for being so trusting and was taken advantage of after trying to help her get back the 2 kids she lost because of neglect and helping her get a place of her own. She now has 4 kids by 4 different fathers. I also feel for women like myself who are in love and want(ed) a family with the man who has to deal with this kind of situation. You’re angry with him for being so stupid, you can’t stand that woman for having his baby that otherwise would have been your entitlement, and then you have to make the decision of staying or leaving because this is not the bed you made…Then again, maybe this was the mother’s intention. If she didn’t have the father in her life well, she’ll always have a child from him to maintain some control over his emotions/life. Why do these girls think they are flying under the radar – they’ll get whats coming to them in due course.
I am pregnant at the moment recently having had a misscarriage. I was on the contrecpetive pill. Both pregnancies were a huge shock. I do not have any major religious belief, I had considered abortion the first time. But what really shocked me was the pain of losing that first pregnancy. It stung me more than anything had. I felt very empty and hallow, and I have always been a practical person, who does not think of things in this light. this surprised me very much the pain of losing that child. The father is a man I care for deeply, and he is very in love with me. Yet it is not out of love for him that I do not belive in aborting this pregnancy. . after the pain of losing the first one, I feel I could not cope with killing the second myself. I feel that there is something inside me, and I feel more strongly then ever the need to protect it. Therefore i disagree with your claim that most women dismiss abortion on religious or moral grounds. It is not your conscience or religious reason that stops you from getting an abortion. It is a very deep instinct to protect, and a sharp pain at the thought of losing something that is part of you. Even if you do not believe in God, or moral, you will believe in that. so therefore, when women say, “I do not believe in abortion” I understand now exactly what they mean and what they are going through. (although, before, I never would have understood this claim, as, like you said, most are hypocrites and do not practice religion).