So answer this for me please…..Why is only Tuesday and I’m already having a bad week! I mean I’m about to go do something crazy dumb and self destructive if I don’t catch a break!!! So after twittering like crazy this morning about how terrible my life is I decided to have a long ass convo with my mother, which has saved me a terrible migraine and at a minimum, 14 hours of crying, shouting and being depressed!
I just sat back and said to myself what is it about my conversations with my mother that always make me feel better? And I realized it’s the fact that she genuinely believes, and forces me to believe, that everything is happening for a reason. There is a divine cosmic power that is in operation, and in addition to this……….. she reminded me that PATIENCE is the key to success.
I think a good way to express it is that: There is a time for everything and everything has it’s time!
So I sit here and I begin to look at this past year and how I have lost everything in London, from my flat to my car to my boyfriend and I can finally say that I have ended up in new York because I did not want to face myself!Losing everything was something that happened to ME BECAUSE OF MY ACTIONS! Yea, I had some shit friends that didn’t make my life any easier, but at the end of the day WE CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS!! and I have learnt that you have to choose wisely!
What I want to share with MI amours (my readers) is that the most important relationship we have, is our relationship with ourselves! We have to be able not only to love and respect ourselves, but also to be honest with ourselves. I’ll give you an example, the whole time I have been here I have told myself that it was because there are much better opportunities in America for someone like me…….which is true to a degree BUT the real reason I am fighting to stay here so much is because I am totally petrified of having t go back to England and having to walk past that flat that used to be mine, or see my old car on the road or have to face that drama with friends and relatives that I would much rather ignore!
Here is the thing: I have to start to build a closer relationship with myself. ANYONE who has a tendency to act in a self destructive way has to do this too! When I say self destructive…I’m not talking about taking overdoses or trying to slit your wrists, because many of us are self destructive in much more subtle ways. For example, going out and getting hella drunk because you had a bad day, or smoking weed to forget your problems, or partying 24/7 because you want to get out of the house because you have family issues!
All of these things are self destructive because you are harming your body by taking in intoxicants and you are DAMAGING YOUR SOUL because you are not dealing with your issues, thus they will re-appear later, and if you do not learn another way to handle your bad days….one day it’s just going to get OUT OF CONTROL! You’ll be an alcoholic or end up homeless, or just end up with nothing to show for 30 years of life.
So how can we repair out relationship with ourselves?
Continue Reading »